A little satire to start your week.Dramatis Personae:
Dr. Faust: A dentist in public service
Mephistopheles Lopez: The Devil
A Drum Section: The Town Council (with Don “the hit man” on congos)
Dr. Faust, recently elected mayor of a small Sonoran town, is quite pleased with himself. He has vanquished his foes, he has established his agenda, and he is self-assured of re-election and further success.
Knock, Knock.
Lopez: “It is I, Lopez, the builder.”
Mayor Faust: (under his breath) “Builder? More like destroyer of cactus.”
(Opens door) “Come in dear Lopez, what brings you to our fair town?”
Lopez: “Bad news, I fear, my hotel can no longer afford to support the playing fields for the game of Golf.”
Mayor Faust: “But your golf fields extend far into my town. What will happen to the property values of my voters…er…citizens who reside on these green fields?”
Lopez: “Death, desert dust, buffalo grass and all manner of varmints, including the dreaded Coyote.”
Mayor Faust: “But this is a disaster. I will never get re-elected if the center of my bailiwick is converted into a wasteland!”
Lopez: “Fear not, dear Doctor, I have a plan, a vision, something profitable to both of us.”
Mayor Faust: “Speak on Lopez, speak on.”
Lopez: “What is public service but a ceremonial toy. What thine eye shall see, Doctor, thy heart shall have. Your lands are wide and rich for exploitation. Grant me certain permits and I will help you maintain the green your voters desire. Gather your tame council, agree to purchase my failing golf course, support the green fields by increasing taxes on all citizens to keep these property values stable. I will rally my fellow builders to grant you and your henchmen campaign donations far in excess of what would be expected for such a one horse town. Apartments as far as the eye shall see, land which is zoned for 3 homes per acre shall be rezoned to 6 homes per acre. Be the land as chaste as was Penelope, as wise as Saba, or as beautiful as was bright Lucifer before his fall. All will be fodder for my bulldozer.”
Mayor Faust: (sotto voce) “Oh, such a bargain will truly consign my soul to hell.”
Lopez fade in with back up from the Drum Section:
(To the tune of Sympathy for the Devil)
Please allow me to introduce myself
I’m a man of wealth and taste
Give me some permits
Or I’ll lay your town to waste
Mayor Faust: “I guess I have to accept your bargain Lopez. I value my position more than my soul. Let us proceed.”
(Accepting his fate, he raps in hip hop style)
I am the mayor and I’m here to say
I like Oro Valley as long as I get my way
Give me donations and the permits will flow
Don’t like your zoning, I am the man to know…
So ends the tragedy.
(With apologies to Christopher Marlowe, J. W. von Goethe, Mick Jagger and Keith Richards)
